October 2011
6 posts
9/26
went to suicide survivor meeting in NJ for the first time
its once a month
went home monday after classes ended and came back into the city on tuesday, around noon
felt i recognized all the faces but they were faces of people id never met before
a couple’s son killed himself 2.5 weeks ago
i cried
the entire time
no one else cried
i just had tears streaming, at a constant rate
but my eyes...
from oct 2
sometimes i miss him so much i feel like my body is grabbing at the air, clawing at high dark mud walls of a deep well, ripping at the fabric of the exterior world, trying to tear it down, trying to get to him, trying to see, trying to hear him.
today i was trying to find a file with music in it and i accidently opened a file with his pictures in it. i was utterly shocked to find them there. i...
from oct 6
every time someone new joins the bereavement group at school i hope they are joining because their death is related to drug addiction or suicide. maybe that’s not a particularly nice thing to think, but it’s true. most other people that join the group had a parent or sibling die of cancer or, more rarely, an accidental death and while suffering is suffering, i felt i was missing a level of...
oct 26, 2011
i noticed that when i get really sad a tingly sensation sweeps across my nose, similar to the feeling you get when you need to sneeze.
10/14/11
tonight i feel incredibly quiet. there aren’t many thoughts going through my head, my body seems to be still and not have any urges or wants, my mouth is too heavy to speak. so while my friends bake and laugh in the kitchen, i decide to move upstairs to sit in a thick stillness.
i think that since i dont seem to have the energy to do anything else, i will write about things i can remember...
ant running for its life
(today is 10/14/11 but i wrote this post in august)
i wish i could read faster so I could read more books. sometimes i get all energetic and excited about books and i think I’m going to read this and this and this and this and i’m going to lock myself in a tower with my books until i read all of them. but then i read too slowly to devour them at a pace i want to and never get to...
September 2011
2 posts
“If I caught a Leprechaun, I would eat it.”
9/1/11
when we heard about the hurricane coming our way my mother decided to distract her anxious self by intensely cleaning the house. we came across one box of drawings from when julia and i were very young.
in a composition notebook i found 3 drawings i did: janette, julia and jessica.
and i found on another page “I HAT YOU BERBBY. i WiL Pee on you BERBBY,” the “y”s of the “you”s are...
August 2011
12 posts
today i started reading In Defense of Women
aug 23
i was lying on the beach and i felt like the ground was moving beneath me and i thought goddammit jessica! are you dehydrated again? you gotta drink more water, but it was deeper than being dizzy. then my mom said “did you feel that?” and then i realized we had just experienced a mini earthquake. oooooooooo well virginia had an earthquake and then it worked its way up...
Watchhummingbirds
if you could send texts to dead people
hi dad!
been missing you a lot. why did you have to die? can you please come back now?
OKTHXBYE! xoxox jess
Do not drink alcoholic beverages while taking this...
august 22, 2011
well, ive been home for about 18 days now. this week my mom, julia, chichi, lily, and I are actually in LBI. the beach is very relaxing. and life at home has really never ever ever been calmer. I feel good in my own house and it is pleasant to be home. There is so much to write about. but ill just write about today for now.
this is how today went:
woke up as I have been every...
Sincroniza el reloj/ comienza el vuelo
this is a line from a poem from a handwritten book that crazy art people wrote and gave a friend of mine in salta.
i’m about to leave and get into a taxi that will drive me to the airport with two of my friends and then get on a 16 hour flight that stops two hours in Brazil and then will drop me off in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. i would like to say i am excited, but i am not.
i’m...
July 2011
22 posts
chao!
july 16
im leaving in about ten minutes. i’m not sure how much internet i will have, but if i come across a computer i will write a few lines.
thursday i gave my presentation and handed in my paper. i was so extremely nervous for the presentation. i knew i was being silly to get so nervous and that being nervous would only make things worse but i couldnt logic myself out of it. i feel...
july 12 -- running out of time
last night (monday night) we went to el tiempo de la bomba, or something like that. its a well known, respected percussion group/performance. they improvise and there is one “conductor” that gives hand signals to everyone else to coordinate them. usually they invite a guest to play/sing for some of the performance. its AMAZING and i wish i had learned about it before, i would have...
july 11
on july 4 alyson and i visited chinatown since chinatown reminds me of new york, which reminds me of america. the chinatown here its much smaller than the chinatown in new york and also isnt as busy and there arent people selling stolen goods or copies of big-name brands on the streets. but it smelled like chinatown…
today i went to the san telmo market. it was really interesting. so...
27 photos!
my friend heard that i had my camera taken from me so she bought a disposable camera for me. the disposable camera had 27 photos on it and the day she gave it to me i had 28 days left of my trip. so that’s almost perfect! also i think that usually there’s a photo or two extra on a roll, so maybe it will last for 28 days.
chocolate addiction?
1. magnesium deficiency
2. serotonin deficiency
3. low blood sugar
4. vitamin B deficiency
5. iron deficiency
6. negative feelings
7. stress
since the internet lies, i dont know how many of these are true…
i'm trying so hard not to eat the chocolate one...
july 7
1. it’s oren’s birthday!
2. i practiced spanish with albert again. today he learned the words “candy” and “candy corn.” very useful! but he wanted to talk about halloween so that when he visited the united states he would understand our culture….yup, halloween sums it up.
3. sometimes it helps me to remember that lots of my favorite people...
july 6
i didn’t write to the new york times, but i did google my question.
Why Do People Freeze During Stressful Situations and Faint at the Sight of Blood?
more sentimientos del 28 de junio
I am almost glad we are selling the house. it’s a good house. it’s a beautiful house with a wonderful backyard. but it just feels like a museum of tears and the happy life we always wanted to live but never arrived at. we got this house for a happy life and we got the backyard so we could play in it and the foosball table to so we could play with it and the xbox so we could play with it. but...
recap june 26-28
june 26- i rode a horse. my horse was grumpy and kept neighing and walking off the path in the wrong direction/not following the group and stopping to eat grass. i was a little scared since i dont really know how to ride a horse and if he decided to sprint off into the wilderness, well there would be nothing to do but go with him. we saw some interesting argentinian dancing while we ate asado...
old entry from between jun 25 and jun 28
I finished my book, which makes me sad because I feel like ive made such good friends with oskal schell
i learned about/ate “pataste”
google translate says in english its “chayote” but i’ve never heard that in english. it’s similar to a potato. in some other language its called potato from the sky.
the dictionary says:
“the green or white, furrowed,...
july 5
july 5, 2011
a very long update follows.
“work” ended around 4:05pm today. i charged my ipod so i could listen to it on the way home. last week i listened to the beatles non-stop, so this week i wanted something different. i went to “playlists” and then to “90s music” which is an automatic playlist itunes makes with my songs. almost none of the songs in there are what i would classify as “90s...
bad news! no more photos for you
july 3
i’m 95% sure my camera was stolen during my transit from areco back to buenos aires. and the only time that it could have been taken is…well never…because i’m super vigilant and make sure never to stand close to someone or sit next to someone and my pockets have buttons and i wear my backpack on my belly. but it’s gone! so….good! no more...
June 2011
56 posts
“I apologize for those who feel offended…I cannot deny a person, a human...”
– Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican from Buffalo, was the 33rd vote for the bill.
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/06/25/nyregion/20110625_MARRIAGE-4.html
june 24? No, june 25
i’m confused with the date and time….
last night we went out to dance for my friend’s birthday and it was extremely fun. all of the music was great and there was lots of jumping up and down and singing along. they played ALL STAR.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her...
june 24 →
today is supposed to be a very important day for the country. during the dictator years lots of people were “disappeared.” some of them were pregnant and when they gave birth their children were secretly adopted by military or government or other important people. las madres de plaza de mayo march often in plaza de mayo. these are the mothers of the people that disappeared. a database of...
I saw this on facebook, super beautiful: →
“her passion was as deep as her loneliness” and... →
june 23
in the evening alyson and i went to a spanglish conversation exchange event. it was like speed dating except minus the dating. for 5 minutes you and your partner would talk in english or spanish and then for the next 5 minutes you would switch and every 10 minutes you would switch to a new partner. it was really fun and i want to do it again. one guy with terrible english asked me if we could...