ant running for its life

(today is 10/14/11 but i wrote this post in august)

i wish i could read faster so I could read more books.  sometimes i get all energetic and excited about books and i think I’m going to read this and this and this and this and i’m going to lock myself in a tower with my books until i read all of them.  but then i read too slowly to devour them at a pace i want to and never get to read all the books i want to.

this summer ive read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Franny and Zooey, and Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart.  I’m almost done with another of Shteyngart’s books.  I am in the middle of Catch 22 but I think I’m going to forget about it because it isnt captivating me the way it did everyone else.  I’m also in the middle of a Phillip Roth book, an Agatha Christie book, In Defense of Women, and Nine Stories by Salinger.  And I’m tempted to start another book called Dry that I found on my fathers shelf next to his bed.  It’s about an alcoholic who goes to rehab so maybe it will be really sad, but I’ve read another book by the same author (Running With Scissors) and I really liked it.  and maybe sad books are the best books anyway.

While I should be cherishing these last few days before school starts, I am feeling restless in my prison-house.  well its not really a prison at all and im about doing things — like packing for school and doing laundry — and busy not doing things — like filling out forms for school — but sometimes at the end of the day i feel like a caged animal.  i need to get outside!!  the rest of the world is at work, so being home alone for hours on end can make you feel a little crazy.  but then again, when at school i feel like its impossible to get alone time.  so maybe i should try to get out all the semester’s crying now while i have the chance?  QUICK!  GET EXTREMELY SAD!  GO! 

something that made me sad, though not extremely sad, today: an ant.  I was lying outside my house, trying to get in a few minutes of sunshine from the afternoon since I forgot to go outside all day, reading that book i’m trying to finish but not finishing quickly enough.  and a tiny tiny little ant scurried by my book and i didnt want it to get lost in my shirt sleeve so i blew at it.  and i immediately regretted it.  it started running around in frantic circles at very high speeds i didnt know ants could run at.  and i felt horrible!  i just made this ant totally freak out!  i’m going to die!! AAAAHHH What’s going on!?!  where is this wind from?  so then i tried to guide it, but it kept running in circles and getting freaked out by my body, so i got up and let the ant find its way home and then lay down after.  i know ants dont have families like humans but i was so sad i made that ant so anxious.  yes, its an ant, but it has a giant family to care for and feed.  man, i dont want to be mean to a bug ever again.

today i also: did my laundry!

today: my friend’s mother stopped by the house